A dose of goodness

All is right in the world. My world, at least.

I've turned over a new leaf and taken an active role in my life and my happiness. No more waiting around for good shit to happen through all of the bad that's been happening. I've finally learned to accept the things I can't change and take on the challenge of fixing the things I can. My school life, for example, has not been this good since the 8th grade.

I turn in all of my assignments.
I spend time in the campus library on my days off.
I regularly make trips to the success center.
I participate in all of my lectures and throw out my "Jesus is really just a cosmic Santa Claus" analogies.
I enjoy every minute of it.

Things at work are great, too. People are constantly giving me a look of disbelief when I tell them my workload. I used to enjoy that reaction, but now it just annoys me a little bit. Am I that underestimated? Or are people just naive to the fact that some people will rise to the occasion and genuinely just DO what they need to do to get by? Whatever it is, I don't worry my head about it too much.

I've taken on the "Creator" role instead of the "Victim" role that we learned about in class. Creators believe that they are responsible for creating their own happiness. Victims will sit around and wait for other people to make them happy. Or worse, they'll allow outside forces to make them unhappy. Here's a scenario that the book used: Hurricane survivors are victims. Bad stuff happened, to say the least, that they couldn't control. Now... they have a choice. They can be a Creator and seek out the tools to rebuild their life, or they can be a Victim and mope around for the rest of their life living off of the help that passersby will give them. Creators are always happier. Victims are always, well, Victims.

Same thing applies to my old situation. I was constantly crying about how I was working hard at UPS and going to school and I still didn't have the money to pay my bills. Then I'd bitch and moan about how my mom wasn't working and spending too much money on casino or random shiz. My dad couldn't help me because he was trying to help himself while still paying my mom alimony. I saw it as an impossible situation. All I'd do was cry about it and complain to anyone that would listen. Poor me. Then I realized... I'm 21 effing years old! Why am I bitching about how my parents can't help me? Victim. Total victim.

So, the next logical step was to get another job. Or rather, to get my old job back. Now, I'm paying my bills AND I have money left over so that I can start building up my savings account. That's what the Creator role did for me. And I'm much happier.

Annnnd I'm awake.

Starbucks helps. Expecially when you throw in some extra expresso shots. Whewp.

SHit

iS

EXtREME

Bad idea.

A whole bunch of pasta followed by a 2 work shifts is apparently damn near impossible. I feel like my stomach is so full that its drooping downwards toward my feet. Im here at JJs till 9:30 then I've got UPS from 10:00-1:30am.

Shooo shleeepy. Lets hope I can make it through the next 8 and a half hours without accidentally killing myself or someone else.

CCC

I finally got the school wireless internet shiznat setup on my laptop. Now I'm in the library finishing up homework before my next class. This makes me wish I had more friends that were AIM junkies. Ohhhhh... or word twist. Nom nom.

Which reminds me, I need brain food. I wonder if Papa John's delivers on campus?

I put makeup on my legs.

Our annual family reunion is todayyyy! My dad's side of the family realized that the only time we really saw each other was at funerals and the (very) rare wedding. SO... they decided to gather at someone's house for a big ol' mexican festival every year. It's good times. This is actually Jordan's fist time going to one of these. Funny how we've been together almost 4 years and he still hasn't met a lot of my family more than once.

But anyway, back to the title... I realized when I got home from work last night that the bruise monster has attacked my legs yet again. I look like a leper. Since it's too hot to wear pants, I had the bright idea to put bare minerals on my legs to attempt to cover them up. Smart, RIGHT? No. Not cute. My legs are hella darker than my face so it just came out looking weird. I can already hear my aunts laughing. Bah. Whatever. It's a good thing I'm 50 times cooler than the average human being otherwise this might be embarassing. If you think about it... all this really does is knock me down to being, like, 40 times cooler than the average human being.

Pfft, I'll take it :]

*UPDATE*

Here's some pictures...

Kurt says I'm not gonna crack.

... so it must be true.

I just got off the phone with Sam from Jumping Jacks. I start next week. I've decided to fill in the gaps that I have between school and UPS so that I could make ends meet. I don't think I can get any more stressed than I already am. Lack of money stresses me out. Lack of time no longer stresses me out. I've kind of moved past that part of my life. I read a blog from a while back where I said that my main goal in life was to have fun. I understand where I was coming from, but that's definitely not where I'm at anymore.

Right now, I want to achieve the things that I've always wanted to achieve. I want to get straight A's in college. I want to be able to pay my bills. I want to get into a good college after Chaffey. I was addicted to my social life and, now, I really don't care for it. I mean, don't get me wrong... I love my friends... I just don't surround my life around them like I did before. I'm finally taking the steps to better MY life instead of focusing on how to intermingle it with the lives of others and how to squeeze myself into that perfect best friend. I still want to be a part of my friend's lives, I just can't be that constant that I used to be. I will not be at every (or most) parties. I won't be able to go to dinner on the nights they plan to. I can't dedicate myself to a weekly tradition. I can't really do any of that. And I'm not upset about it.

In fact, I'm excited about it. I've never felt more sure of myself. 3 months ago I was going through that whole "life isn't fair, why should I have to work 2 jobs through college, blah blah." Now I'm welcoming the experience. I'll be able to tell my kids the story of how I picked myself up from the lowest point in my life and came out a better, more successful person than I ever was. I know I'm going to make it through this with flying colors. I'm going to be that role model for my younger cousins that I wish I'd had growing up.

Just watch.

Before I go to bed...

I need to throw this out there... I've decided to try and transfer into UCLA or USC.

...And I'm crazy enough to believe that I can actually do it.

Apparently, I'm vertically challenged.

I worked SO hard to pass my LTC exam a few weeks ago... HOWEVA! I was informed today that I wouldn't get to work in that section because I was too short. The belts that I need to put the boxes on are about one inch above my eye level. I call shenanigans. A few weeks ago, they took me out of unloading feeders because the walls of boxes topped off at about 3 feet above my head. I was like "Okay, I can totally understand the convenience of that one..." but this? This is some nappy-headed bullshit, brotha. I'm 'bout to slap me some UPS hoes.

HOW DID I GET STUCK IN THE ONE SECTION THAT DOES NOT HAVE FANS?

I LOVE FANS. GIVE ME FANS. FAANNNNNNS.

So far... so good.

My first week of school = great sux-ess. I feel ready this time around. I worked my ass off this weekend on homework and junk so that I'd be prepared for class today. It's a weird feeling for me knowing that I'm either at the same level or ahead of the rest of my class. I'm usually the one making up excuses for why I failed to do the world's easiest assignments. I am and always have been organized as all hell, it's just the USE of that organization that I always neglected. Now, I'm finishing assignments almost a week before they're due. No more late night crunches for me. I'm gonna make it a point to have all of my assignments done at least 2 days before they're due.

...and 4 months from now I'll be making a post about how I got nothing but As & Bs this semester. Watch.