Shoulda Woulda Coulda

Scratch the "get a better job" resolution. UPS called today to tell me I had got the job. Apparently, I start monday. The shift I chose was monday thru friday 10:30am-1:30am. Great health benefits, they pay for school, I have steady hours and raises. It's perfect...

Tooo bad I turn 21 on thursday. My bonfire was supposed to lead into Buffalo Wild Wings fun fun time where Damian would buy me my first drink and we'd party the night away. Then on friday night we were supposed to be in Vegas until saturday. Now... I don't know. I had this big elaborate idea of how amazing this summer was going to be. Havasu, Seattle, Colorado, Vegas... SO SO SO many fun trips that are pretty much out of the question now. I should've just applied AFTER summer. 

Head... meet foot.

Mid-year Resolutions

Once the idea of being 21 wears off, I'm going to get my life in order. I'm kind of getting that "you're-21-now-and-what-do-you-have-to-show-for-it" feeling that everyone else has told me about. I'm trying to push these little stresses out of my mind so that I can fully enjoy my birthday weekend, but I can't help but get the nauseating feeling every now and then. I'm hoping that by making out a plan of action, I'll calm my nerves a bit. So here it is. My To-Do list for this month.

1. Get my car fixed. My AAA plan runs out in august and I'd like to have everything done by that time.
2. Get back into school. I have until July to get all of that sorted out. I have to re-register and go through all those hassles because I took a semester off. I'm getting antsy and I can't wait to get back into school.
3. Find a better job. I love Jumping Jacks to death but I need something with stable hours and better pay.
4. Move out. I've been thinking about it alot and I think it's something I need to do to clear my head and get out of this comfort zone. I'm ready to have my own space again. Not this month, but by the end of this year for sure.
   
5. Figure out a workout schedule. So far, so good. I've gone running a few times and plan on taking more bike rides. My eating habits are already 100 times better than they were 3 months ago.
   

Out with the new. In with the old.

I found my album full of pictures from senior year. Now that I've got my Flickr Pro account I can finally upload all of them onto the internet. I was always worried that the picture cds would get scratched or disappear eventually. This way everyone's got a copy of them, regardless of when my account expires.

I'll be uploading them (slowly but surely) over the next few days here. Enjoy your trek down memory lane, yoes.

twenty1

My birfday is next week and I've done nothing to prepare. I still have to buy a fuckton of fire wood for the bonfire on Thursday. I need to book a hotel for Friday night in Vegas. I need to plan out what and where we're gonna be for the Saturday night party. I have to check the weather daily to see if a beach BBQ with my dad is possible on Sunday. I have to call everyone and their mother to make sure they can make it on Thursday & Saturday. I need a theme.

Theme theme theme. Hmmm... updates later. I need pita.

...End scene.

Yesterday was good. Great, even. We ended things on an incredible note and I've never felt more love and admiration for my friends than I do today. For all of them. Even my Natashinka up there gradumacating a year early from Berkeley today.

There was close to 100 people, maybe more because the Claremont police department showed up, at Lisa's services. We each released a purple balloon with a note tied to it outside of Water of Life church. I wish I had taken a picture of it. It was absolutely gorgeous. Our procession to claremont was nothing short of amazing, too. With the entire staff of the claremont police, we had one cop car for every 4 or 5 cars. They closed the 15 freeway for us so that we could make our way down to the 10. When we exited, they stopped traffic for us. It was an awesome sight and I know Lisa would have been poking her head out of the window, laughing, screaming "I STOPPED TRAFFIC!" She would have loved this. All the purple. All the funny stories her friends told. The slideshows. All of it.

After the reception, we all mobbed back to Jordan's to wind down. We mostly joked around and watched TV. Jordan had Marcos & Santee in his room to show off some new video game. We had our crazy Mario Kart tournament with brackets and everything. It was nice to take our mind off of everything. It's been such a crazy week and I feel like we all needed to just mellow out and have some fun. At the end of the night I sat down with the guys in Jordan's room and we all had the "I love you" talk. We established that we're not in high school anymore which means "best friend" doesn't coincide with "someone I see everyday." We're growing up. We're living our lives and helping each other on the way. I can go a week... a month even... without seeing them or talking to them and, come, Saturday night, it's like we never left each others' sides. They know that if a situation arrived where they needed a hug or someone to talk to, they've got a solid group of people more than willing to drop everything and show up on their doorstep with a Mickey's and some lovin'. I can laugh with them, I can cry with them, I can watch them win a Mario Kart tournament and declare themelves a LEADER OF MEN. I definitely win at life.

Weird.

Oak Park Cemetery. That's where Toni's buried. What a crazy coincidence. I'm halfway between comforted and weirded out.

Her viewing is tomorrow. Services on friday. Again, I'm getting that horrible feeling in my stomach that I got 5 years ago when Toni passed away. Viewings are awful... I know they're supposed to comfort you and give you closure but it leaves a terrible image in my head. Maybe I'll sit near the back this time... pay my respects to the Santee family and then go straight to the back.

I don't know how I'd get through this without the guys there. Shit, I don't know how Chris is dealing with this. I don't know how any one is. I don't know what I'm typing anymore. I should stop.

I don't know what to title this...

Nothing feels appropriate. It doesn't really need a title, I guess. I'll just keep typing until I feel like I'm done.

"Los Angeles Police went to a house in Downey in the predawn hours Saturday and arrested a 19-year-old man they suspected of running over three pedestrians on a Boyle Heights sidewalk, killing two of them, officials said. Bryan Calles, 19, was arrested at 12:30 a.m. Saturday at his father's Downey home, said LAPD spokesperson Norma Eisenman said. Calles was believed to have been behind the wheel of the 1989 Honda Civic that went over a curb in a gritty industrial area along Washington Boulevard near Soto Street at 6:55 p.m. Friday. Miguel Rocha, 25, died at the scene of the 6:55 p.m. accident in the 3200 block of East Washington Boulevard on Friday, and Lisa Santee, 25, of Fontana, was declared dead at County-USC Medical Center, said Lt. Larry Dietz of the coroner's office. Both were pinned against a metal fence, and a witness told police Calles backed over two of the people before fleeing. A third person, a man, was hospitalized in critical condition, a fire department spokesperson said, but his name was unavailable. Calles abandoned his car nearby, officials said."
CBS2.com (VIDEO)

One of my best friends lost his sister on friday night... and for what? So that some 19 year old dipshit could inhale some NOS to get his mind off of the fact that he'll never amount to anything more than a piece of shit living off of those around him? It's bullshit. I wish I could say it makes me hate people that much more but I can't. I saw the best in people yesterday at the Santee house. Damian called and told me Chris wanted the 3 of us to come over. We ran out of our houses without a second thought. That's the kind of friends I have. If it was any of us in that situation, I know that Chris and Leese would be there in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

The friends and family that came through that house were some of the nicest people I have ever met. I was overwhelmed by the love and respect that they all have for one another. On one hand, it's nice to think that Leese was always surrounded by amazing people that appreciated all of the wonderful things about her... but on the other hand it kills me to know that those same people have to find some way to live their lives without Leese.

As I was walking up to their house with Marcos & Damian, I kept thinking about Chris and how horrible he must be feeling. He lost his only sibling, his best friend. When I got there & saw his parents, my thoughts shifted to the fact that her dad is never going to walk her down the isle. Her mom isn't going to hold her hand while she delivers her first child. They're not going watch her become the successful clothing designer that she would have become. Kasey, her boyfriend, was there as well. I thought about their future together. Marriage, kids, buying a house. Those people lost their future. No one deserves to die that young. No one.

Spoon, meet mouth.

According to news reports... we're getting record highs this weekend in the 100s. Rasberry sorbet from coldstone with gummy bears mixed in is OBVIOUSLY necessary for survival. And it's MEAT FREE so veganisms like Natashinka can enjoy the wonderfulity of it's amazingness. Eat on, playas!