others need not apply.

Here's the scenario:
im finally in class (after a week) and everybody starts talking about their papers (which i forgot about) and so i'm sitting in class for about an hour listening to how awesome other people are and how i fail at life. not really, but hey, sometimes "GOD IS DIVINE" can be translated into "hey crystal! YOU SUCK!"

it just happens like that.

so anyhoo. Professor Brooklyn (nicknamed by me for her thick new york accent and constant use of the word "yee-uh" instead of "yes") finally decides to make her presense known an hour into class. she tells us all to get ouit a piece of blank piece of paper and our "scope hats" (long story...). so at this point i'm thinking "finally... something i can participate in!" annnnnd then she comes out with "on that paper you gotta write down the 10 most important qualities that you look for in a partner."

me: "shit."

i later find out that the reason we did this was because of some hoopla about how we choose life partners based on our religious background or lack thereof. duh. i paid how much to have her tell me this? blah blah im going off on a tangent.

either way. i couldn't do it. for some odd reason i couldnt come up wth more than two answers in that 5 minute timespan. i usually can't make lists on command though. i'm like the men who cant pee in public restrooms 'cause of all the pressure to do it. i lose.

so that brings me to this blog. now that there's no pressure i can make a legitimate list of this crap. here it goes:

1. Sense of Humor - this is a big one. im smiling or laughing 80% of the day and i spend 15% sleeping so that only leaves 5 % for being glum. he needs to enjoy potty humor, religious/racial slurs, my constant penis and vagina jokes, and my down-south-trucker-gone-satanic-whilst-tripping-on-acid mouth. and not only must he enjoy it, but he must also dish it out.

2. Morals - im not religious but i still have morals. i don't mean abstinence and not doing drugs and going to church EVERY sunday... i mean the basics. no stealing, lying, cheating, etc. the usual.

3. Devotion to a Relationship - i put a high price on this one. i ifirmly believe in the sanctity of relationships and that means NO CHEATING, FLIRTING, OOGLING, or EYEBALLING other girls. i never have and never will cheat nor will i tolerate ANY form of it. i don't care HOW amazingly sorry he is. I want to have full confidence that he's not even THINKING about other girls.

4. Looks - i know it shouldnt matter but it does. i want a guy who takes pride in his appearance. im not looking for a model or anything, just a confident guy both inside and out.

5. Repect - another big one. appreciating the value of a woman's love is by far one of the best qualities that any guy can have. also, respect for people in general. when driving/walking up the street if he sees someone who needs help, he'll be more than happy to go out of his way. there's nothing better than knowing that he'd go that far for a complete stranger because it only makes me wonder what he'd do for me.

6. Animals - im addicted to them. i love animals. he doesnt have to be a steve irwin or anything, but he should be aware that there might be some random animal shelter trips or dog beach days. oh, and my dog has to like him. she's a good judge of character. usually.

7. Open Minded - he should be a logical thinker because i get frustrated reeeeally easily by "the bottom line" of things. im not a big debater so i don't want him to be this crazy super conservative wacko that pushes his opinions on every one else. Same thing with music. i listen to literally every single kind of music so if he's wrapped up in his own genre and style... he's in for a big surprise. i don't want him to completely shut out a song because it's not what he usually listens to. ditto for movies. the notebook was amazing. bitch.

8. PDA - i'm not much of a make-out-in-public type of girl. i do hand holding and maybe a kiss every now and then but, for the most part, i prefer to act like a best friend when we're out with friends or in the streets. im not gonna stop him from trying to kiss me or put his arms around me but there's a line and i think everyone's knows where to stop so that we don't make the people around us uncomfortable... especially our friends.

9. Jealousy - i tend to hang out with alot of guys. i have like 1 or 2 close female friends (i wish i was joking...) and the rest are guys. i don't flirt, i don't have any hidden agendas with guys, and i'm not gonna cheat. one thing he needs to realize about my friends is that theyre not all trying to get in my pants. especially not these two:

Marcos and Damian. my best friends. if he doesnt get along with them or he's not comfortable with me hanging out with them... it'll never work. never eva eva eva eva.

10. Outgoing - i'll admit, i'm a lazy whore. but even i occasionally get up off my ass and explore the world. so he needs to like random trips to the park at sunset, 12pm pillow fights, 8 hours marathons of horror flicks and/or harry potter boxsets, etc...

bottom line: he's gotta be ready for the craziness that is me.