on another note:

i haven't pooped today, damnitt! my hampster has shat like 47 times in the first 11 hours of this glorious day, my dog is a diarrhea queen at the moment, and my parrot is a shit machine despite pending nuclear attacks from north korea!!

are they TRYING to make me jealous? I think maybe my mood depends on whether or not i poop early on in the day. that must be the secret to life. (note to self: look into this poop phenomenon...) which reminds me... http://www.poopnames.com/

that'll give you some new material for a solid week of dirty talking. why don't they teach this stuff in school? it's awesome.

my favorite new poopism: Barbarians at the gate

example:

"Sorry Sue, I can't stay. There's barbarians at the gate."

or

Jane: "Oh, Dick. I'm having so much fun on this hike..."
Dick: "We'd better stay close to camp, dear."
Jane: "Why? Is your [insert noun here] acting up again?"
Dick: "No. I've got barbarians at the gate."


haha... i totally win at life.